Disregarding my advances.
No belief in second chances.
I double take…
Entranced when he told me he romanced him.
I wonder if that makes me just a memory;
I guess the nickname shadow has become my damned anthem
Black tides flow from hazel eyes
I’m still denied,
but I’m your moon,
yet someone’s eclipsed your view of me.
I poured my heart out foolishly,
To be turned away.
Love made a fool of me,
What a fucking day…
As passion fades,
I make conscious effort to mask my pain with disregard.
It gets so hard feelin…
I once believed in love,
but now that time is up.
I can’t find peace of mind without a cigarillo stuffed.
I wonder why it’s not enough,
where are the honor-bound men?
When true love is calling bluffs
I know these times are getting grim.
Now it’s got me talking to myself.
Monologues inside my head.
He expects a wolf in the shadows,
But it’s just a shadow instead.
You can’t take real love back,
Sitting around calling it friends.
When bottling the truth up only makes us liars in the end.
Submitting to pretenses,
Pretending it didn’t end.
I wonder what’s gonna happen.
The residual fibers of our love that kept us connected are disintegrating;
My armor ratings doubled.
I’ve been so troubled,
but I’ve stretched my legs,
And now I see a few silver linings.
You can’t dwell forever.
Never saw it that way til now.
Can’t beat a heart so clever that it can smart you out.
Turmoils come in love.
It’s meant to cause you doubt.
A guard you can’t surmount.
I love a man who didn’t stop to take a pause.
Stop to think we’re predestined. …
One hand juxtaposed beside the other.
I could lose a boyfriend and possibly gain a brother;
But how will it be when he’s gone and found another?
Will I be sleeping alone
under cold-ass covers?
I don’t know, it’s jealousy,
but I can’t fight this thing inside me,
wanting him instead of that.
Which comes to me keeping him mine.
See, I can’t take another broken heart.
But I’m sure that’s what we all say.
Pretending we don’t need companionship,
when thinking on it all day.
It’s the role we all play.
Bullshit recitations made.
The monologue we hear inside,
My room, a cell.blue ins
This heart, a shell.
Small gifts but no ring.
Slow pings ‘tween you and me,
Love brings disunity.
The opposite of my belief,
Became my sick reality.
How can it be?
I swear this isn’t me,
But joy plays hide and seek
And peeks in like a creep.
Like I’m a weirdo.
Where did all my ends go?
I spent it all on charmin rolls,
Been crying from this okie doke
My ex loves said was love.
Maybe I’m not enough,
Mayhaps too much to handle. …
The Irony of Prophecy
You insist on pushing me away,
When we could’ve had an agapé.
The irony of prophesy,
Memories of things you said to me.
You said you’d taint me,
Drive me crazy,
The irony of prophesy,
Caught up feeling like you could be mine own,
This home grown had us feeling crowned.
Comrades don’t use love as crow feed when we need Phoenix Down.
We’re too obsessed with what we both need fighting to keep distrust around,
Lesser than what God needs of us.
A love discovered in his grace,
So totally misplaced…
In love alone,
I should know better by now.
I realize I’m a fool for you,
My pilfered cool,
Has gone winter vacant.
It’d be easier to forget you than to get you, I see,
None of me,
In what was once a perfect reflection in your eyes.
In love alone,
I should know better.
I dreamt a white nite,
An owl singing at a moon
That fell too,
Drowning in a sea of fearful tears this love would pass them by.
Once, time was ours,
Minutes and hours were the same,
I rise with this glorious sunrise,
I surmise it is your doing.
Infallible, despite my constant need for proving.
Moving me indubitably,
Both dutifully and beautifully,
Scrubbed out and cleaned,
A renewal with likes I’ve never seen.
And I thank you, Father.
In the spirit of gratitude,
I promise better attitude.
These wider strains of blackened blues
Won’t conquer me because I’ve got you.
The definition of truth.
Thank you, Father.
In the spirit of loving me,
I love you, Father,
In spite of all my flaws.
You make no mistakes,
So I choose to love my all.
Knowing all you do is good.
You look at your reflection,
Someone else looks back at you.
You can’t recognize your face,
Twisted up with pain and truth.
Left without mending
it festers like an untouched wound..
the silence and empty echoes turn a bedroom into a tomb,
to wake to empty promises from nightmares coming true,
when everything stays the same,
and the only change takes place in you.
Tell me you want it over,
Letting go means us reduced.
Someone new has reduced your flame for me,
Now I’m tangled up in loops.
My troops try to protect my heart from harm,
I’m pathologically skeptical because placing faith proves detrimental.
Accepting love seems instrumental in fucking with my mental.
I get that no one gets my psyche,
Because no one sees like I see.
No one thinks like I think,
So no one truly likes me.
They only like this fraction,
The part of me that gives satisfaction,
These partial interactions with half my heart’s honest reactions.
My frown can’t wear a mask to show what everybody ask,
I tried that path,
It never lasts,
And now my heart wrapped in a cast,
To heal old wounds I tried to…
A lil ghetto boy. My mama says a King in the makin’.